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What Keeps Ellen Page Up at Night?

So Ellen Page visited Conan O’Brien last week and shared some of her subliminal fears (and possibly hopes?) with the tall ginger late night host. It’s pretty weird, and you should watch the whole thing (below) for context:

It seems like a strange fear for such a talented actress! I don’t recall any of her roles that required nudity, or even came close. About the closest she’s been to being naked for the public’s eye is in some leaked video game screenshots of a 3D character that uses her face, but a computer-generated body. So another way to say that is that the closest she’s come to doing a nude scene is a pixelated computer drawing attached to a rendition of her head. Which is to say, not really at all.

But as she told Conan, she fears that one day she’ll be on stage in only her underwear and look down to discover that either her pubic hair looks like “an old man’s beard” or that she is topless and it has crept up her torso like kudzu so she looks like she has a “reverse hairy chest”. Stop a second to take in that image – utterly bizarre. (No word from Ellen whether there is any real fear of hair making an unwanted appearance, or if like so many young stars she shaves it all off.)

Besides her pilary nightmares, Ellen related another dream that sounds more delicious than frightening. She also dreamt that she was hanging out with Justin Bieber (possibly scary) and eating takeout from Ikea (definitely delicious). While I tend to think of the Beebs as more of a pest than a threat, I suppose if you were on the road while he is racing a Ferrari around and drinking he could pose a genuine danger to life & limb. It’s a pretty close matchup, though – exposed pubic hair vs. exposure to Bieber. I’m glad I don’t have to experience either one!